I was thinking yesterday about reality shows, and what a misnomer that term is, since like Vegas, everything about a reality show is contrived and unreal.  My husband is a big fan of NBC’s The Biggest Loser, and we both are sporadic watchers of Survivor.  Both of these shows are transparently inauthentic in that they’re designed to create a “plot” from unscripted behavior, and the end result is that they’re force to more or less script a lot of what’s done and said in their respective environments.  Very little feels true to life in these heightened realities.

But it’s got me thinking.   Because I do think people have genuine, real transformative experiences on reality shows.  Maybe all that contrivance pushes some people to dig deeper and connect with what actually is real and genuine about themselves. Maybe it causes some to seek out and actively pursue their own souls, for fear of losing them in that environment.

A conference like BlogWorldExpo is also a rather unreal, heightened environment.  The famous, infamous, web-famous, and anonymous are all congregated here based on mutual need.  There are parties and there is excess.  There is the bizarre spectacle of cewebrity on full display. There is the awkward dance of relationships that heretofore have only existed on the ethereal plane of social media having to figure out how to survive a face-to-face meeting.

I think I am in the midst of a little transformative experience myself, here in this unreal environment.

(Another attendee here, a lady who is as cute as a button wearing a “FREE HUGS” t-shirt, just came up to me and offered me a free hug.  I accepted. See? Unreal.)

Almost exactly eight years ago, I had an experience that forces me to reevaluate who I thought I was, at a very basic level.  I couldn’t keep being who I thought I was, so I spent some time “trying on” different aspects of different identities for a very long time.  Eventually, things stabilized, but I think what I’ve been realizing over the last few weeks is that things stabilized too much.  They stabilized to the point of creating a rigid, inflexible and woefully incomplete understanding of who I am.

I stopped exploring who I might become.

A year and a half ago, I made a decision that even I didn’t see coming.  When everyone else was expecting me to zig, I zagged.  The really alarming thing is, even I didn’t see that decision coming.  In fact, not two weeks prior, I had told someone with a great deal of confidence that I would never make that particular choice.

And then I did.

It weirded me out.  I thought I knew who I was, but the person I thought I was wouldn’t have made that decision.  I’ve spent the better part of a year and a half now, trying to figure out the implications of that.

Now, in the midst of this weird conference, in the midst of an even weirder city, where nothing is quite what it seems, I’m am inexplicably getting a lot of clarity.  I am digging deeper and examining my soul, and finding there was WAY more to it, more to the real me, than I ever realized.

Well, kiddos, I gotta grab some lunch.  Back down the rabbit hole.  I’ll send more missives through the looking glass, if you like.

If you’ve got a parallel story of getting real in the midst of unreality to share, drop me a comment.  It may take me a bit to moderate, but it’ll get through.

Free digital hugs from me: (((((((reader friends)))))))

Apparently, a lot of folks on the web are pondering work/life balance, the cost vs. benefit analysis of commuting, and how the nature of employment itself is changing. This is a topic that is only going to continue to spur discussion and debate.

The personal, economic, and environmental cost of commuting is skyrocketing.  The influence of social media, greater access to increasingly better connectivity tools, and some fundamental, generational changes in the way we think about work means that it’s time to strap in, bunkies.  The ride is going to get interesting.

The work world is changing, fast, and we’re all trying to figure out the new world order before it’s even here yet.

After writing my last post about losing touch with what keeps my work life vibrant and healthy, I caught several posts by other bloggers along similar themes.

• Nataly at Work It, Mom mentions that despite the increase in people working two jobs, Gen Y (and I personally think you have to include Gen X here as well) claim to value work/life balance more than previous generations.
• One of my favorite PR/Social Media bloggers Valeria Maltoni of Conversation Agent uses Daniel Lanois as an example of letting passion infuse your work life, and the rich rewards that come from that.
• Over on Sparkplugging, Dawud Miracle talks about how constantly asking yourself why you’re doing what you do is important to maintaining motivation in your work.

“…‘why’ is the question that gives meaning, that gives life, to your work. Why is the motivating factor that makes us consider our impact in the world.”

• Monika Mundell at The Writer’s Manifesto, in a post about finding streamlined, distraction-free writing tools, even added a little bit of work/life balance pondering.

“Since my workload is pretty much full all the time I don’t have much room for lost time. Of course this is between me working and trying to keep a balance with a social live, time spent with my husband and my beloved pets.”

• Power blogger Chris Brogan had a recent post where he, too, was threading some trends together that related to work/life balance, telecommuting, and the slightly more slippery idea of sharing your personal brand with your employer.

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This is something of a sidebar, but I’ll admit that last idea is really intriguing to me.  Over the last year or so, I’ve slowly (and probably sloppily) been trying to create my own personal brand, because I think I’ve instinctively understood that having a recognizable, respected personal brand in my field makes me a better asset for an employer.

(Awkward pause as I acknowledge that it makes me a better asset for an employer, until I leave their employment…  okay, moving on.)

On second thought, that’s not entirely true.  I think that if you achieve recognition and respect as an individual, I don’t think the value of that exits as soon as you exit a company’s payroll.  Particularly if you’ve represented them well on the social web, and leave on good terms.

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But back to the main thread in all this. Many people are clearly wrestling with the desire to create a vibrant, passionate work life that doesn’t detract from your other most treasured values–whether it’s the value they place on spending adequate time with their families, the value they place on their environmental impact, or the value they place on determining an equitable relationship with their employer.

I just think it’s interesting how this soulful, work-related wrestling has popped up in posts about mostly seemingly unrelated things.  Which reminds me of another interesting, thought-provoking post from Chris Garrett.

Like it or not, your inner “stuff” tends to leak out. It does that in real world conversations, and it most certainly does in blogging, which is an intrinsically personal form of writing.

Half the time, when I’m reading the posts in my feed, I’m not so much reading what the post is ostensibly about (there are, after all, only so many posts a woman can digest on blogging tips.)  Chris’ post helped me realize that much of the time, I’m actually reading these posts for the “between the lines,” ulterior conversation.  Taken in aggregate, those “off topic” musings are the song of the zeitgeist, and tell you much about what’s going on in the anima mundi (“soul of the world”).

On a more personal note, I’m planning a little “work life balance” adjustment this weekend, going on an overnight with my sisters to a remote undisclosed location.  My understanding is that there will be massages, cocktails, chick flicks, and a lot of conversation–not necessarily in that order.

See you all when I get back.

img courtesy of MeHere on SXC